We often don’t realise that we need a break until it’s too late
When we feel pressured to get something done, we rarely allow ourselves to enjoy the process of doing it. It is almost like holding our breath until we are done and can move onto the next thing.
“To hold your breath is to lose you breath”– Alan Watts
Sitting in front of a screen for long periods of time causes muscle fatigue which exhausts our capacity to stay concentrated. Poor and static postures leads to feelings of overwhelm. When we reach this point, it can take hours to recover. If we don’t know how to recharge effectively, we may spend the whole evening tired and grumpy, resorting to passive TV watching or aimlessly browsing the internet in an attempt to relax or zone out.
Reactivity leaves no room for freedom
When our nervous system is aroused, we are easily agitated and prone to instinctive reactivity. The body is preparing for fight or flight and there is little room for conscious action. Mindfulness is out the window. This state is what I call “the chain of reactivity”, where overlooked somatic sensations in the body leads to subconscious and reactive behavior:
⚡ ”Trigger” → (ignored feeling in the body) → Impulse → Reactive behavior
As an example, let’s say you feel pressured to finish that email before the next meeting starts when your colleague comes with a last minute request. Your flow is interrupted and you feel the irritation as yet another thing is added to your overwhelming to-do list. You feel a contraction around your chest and an inner resentment building up. An inner voice rationalizes the anger through judgments such as “can’t you see I’m busy?!” or “why can you not do your own job?”. You are overtaken by the frustration and react by lashing out at your colleague, or perhaps by swallowing the resentment with a false smile.
We often mistakenly believe that external circumstances are responsible for our feelings. For example, we think that another person is the cause of our anger or that a situation makes us feel sad. While these things may trigger the reactive chain, they are not responsible for our emotions or actions. What we are really reacting to is the unpleasant sensations in the body – this is what keeps the chain of reactivity unbroken.
If, by contrast, we are able to stop and notice what happens in the body as we get triggered, we are much more likely to be able to cut the chain and act with more awareness. This is the difference between reacting instinctively and responding wisely.
🏆 ”Trigger” → Pause, breathe, mindful of the reactions in the body → Conscious response
Learning to pause
The art of pausing is perhaps the most essential practice on the journey of mindfulness. It is what helps us break the reactive chain and increase our agency. It provides the foundation of mindful living because it increases our ability to respond with more intention and compassion (“response-ability”). Taking moments throughout the day to relax and recharge helps us manage our stress levels before we reach the point of exhaustion. We develop a habit of stopping and becoming aware of what is happening internally and externally. We come back to our senses. Over time, this makes us more resilient and less likely to be swept away by the circumstances around us.
Learning to pause sounds easier than it is. The reactive patterns are deeply ingrained and takes time to re-wire. In order to actually integrate the art of pausing into your daily life, we need to develop a moment-to-moment awareness of our inner experience. The good news is that it gets easier with practice. Over time, the art of pausing becomes effortless. Whenever we find ourselves in the midst of a triggering situation, we remember to pause and take a moment before jumping to reaction. It is in these moments that we find freedom.
Start right away with the SOAL exercise below! Take a few moments to notice the effects of the practice. Let the relaxation and sense of freedom strengthen the intention to develop this habit until it becomes your natural way of responding.
The essential practice
The SOAL will make wonders by helping you integrate the art of pausing into the daily life.
3 minute meditation
Start with three minutes of mindfulness:
Coming back to our senses
A 6 minute landing meditation to help you connect with your senses:
Move on to the next frame:
My teacher Tara Brach talking about the importance and sacredness of learning to pause: